i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
