In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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