Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
