i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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