I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
