Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
