Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
