So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
