Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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