Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
