the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Drake has all the answers
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
