Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
