1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
