You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
