If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
