he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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