I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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