Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
