You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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