paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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