Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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