So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
