My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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