Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize