i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
