at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
