It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
