dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
