we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
