my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
