He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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