The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize