i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
