Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
