I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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