Just mADE A PArabola og urine
what day is it and did you see me today?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
