While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
