when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
