4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
