my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
