i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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