Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
