This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize