I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
