The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
