Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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