I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
