we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
