I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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