If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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