I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
