There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
