how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
