Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
