all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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