So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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