It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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