remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
