i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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