Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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