i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I want is dick and wine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
