i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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