do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
