I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I didn't notice because vodka
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
